no

Saying No Never Gets Old

It never gets old because I am so bad at it.

Recently, I read this blog post by Rohan that reminded me that one of the reasons I am not present in my life, or TO and IN my life, is that I have such a hard time saying no.

I say yes when I don’t want to (or even when I want to say yes, but know — deep down — that saying no is better for me).

You will do for the love of others what you would not be willing to do for yourself
— Cheri Huber

This takes me out of the present moment. If not immediately, then it definitely pulls me out of the present moment when the yes I agreed to comes “due,” so to speak.

I am — humans are — notoriously bad at imagining what our future self wants and needs. We think everything will be exactly as it is in this moment.

But I am overwhelmed in this moment, too.

There’s the rub.

Will I ever learn?

I am starting to.

Now I keep a list of the things I’ve said no to. So I can remind myself — prove to myself — that I can, in fact, do it and am getting better at it.

Make a list of everything you've said yes to doing

Write a quick and dirty list of everything you’ve said yes to doing.

The list’ll include things you’re already doing, things you’ve said you’d do but you haven’t started yet, things you started long ago but haven’t finished yet (unclosed loops), etc.

Try to get it all down. Even if the categories are broad and overwhelming. Like category “Dad.”

He’s an entry on my list. I do need to show up for him. I’ve said yes to being a loving daughter so that means I show up more than I don’t show up.

What happens when you see your list?

Does it tell you something about why your life looks and feels the way it does?

Yeah. I know.

Now — what can you cross off, punt, say no to, get rid of, decide you’re not going to do now or ever?


It is hard, I know. But buried in all of that is the one or two things you really want to focus on, the one or two things that would really make a difference for you.

What would be possible if you created more space for that one thing to flourish?

Are you willing to find out?

“It is much easier to put a laundry list together of all the possible things you need to get done each day than it is to actually choose your one most important task” and then work on mastering it. — Organize Tomorrow Today by Dr. Jason Selk and Tom Bartow